It's a boy!

I meant to make regular additions to this page, but I've really felt no news.  Things are going smoothly and I didn't really want to jinx that.  They say, "No news is good news!"  Well, we've got a little bit of news now...we're having a son! 

At 20 weeks, I still feel a sense of calm, and probably a bit of denial that I'm really pregnant.  It's been such a long journey, filled with so many setbacks that it's hard to believe I've come this far.  My last pregnancy became complicated at 22 weeks with a membrane rupture, so my doctor wants me to come in every week now "just to help (me) through the scary part".  While a bit inconvenient to take off work so often, it's nice to know how much he understands and will be there for me emotionally as well as medically. 

Again, this is all hard to believe.  It still feels like a dream I will soon awake from, and things will be like they've always been.  I keep trying to imagine myself bringing home a little one, making a place for him in our home, nurturing and guiding him as he grows into the kind of man this world needs more of.  It's still hard to believe...

2nd OB Ultrasound

I can't help but get emotional when I think of everything we've gone through, and how far we've come.  The doc was emotional yesterday too, as she hugged me good-bye and said she'd give me a call about every three months to see how things were progressing.  She feels confident that all will go well based on what she has seen so far.  Our little "lima bean" now measures 2.2 cm and we heard 165 heartbeats per minute. 

We have a heartbeat!

"116 Beats Per Minute," the doc said with a smile.  She explained that everything looks just as it should, and that there is no reason why this should be considered a high risk preganancy.  I started crying.  Even if I'm not high risk, I know I 'm going to be high maintenance.  I remember the joy and the smiles we had at our last "first OB".  This time there were tears of fear accompanied by a cautious optimism.  She said it's now time to find a local doctor.  I'm really scared about that because I was very unhappy with the last one I chose.  I've been asking around, but the problem is that you don't know until you've been there, and by that time you've had all your records transferred and it seems your "stuck".  I'll have one more appointment with my RE in 2 weeks before I have to make my decision. 

In the meantime, I'm back to work.  There's no "keeping stress levels low" when you get students in a couple of days and you have no classroom yet!  Morning meetings are followed by time to prepare our rooms, and I just sit in the corner and read.  There's not much else for me to do...

BFP!!!

Beta count is 86.  Got another blood test scheduled the day after tomorrow to make sure things are progressing adequately.  Keep your fingers & toes crossed!

"Gorgeous!"

That's how the doc described the two Class 1, 8-cell embryos we transfered today: "Gorgeous!".  That is definitely encouraging.  Now let's just hope the little buggers will stick!  The other three were still doing fine this morning and will be cultured a few more days to hopefully get to the blastocyst stage before freezing.  11 days 'til the blood test...

Lost one :'(

We are down to five, but those five are dividing nicely.  Two will be put back where they belong tomorrow, as all shall return to Mother Nature's control, and we hope for the best...

We have embryos!

My egg retrieval went as scheduled yesterday, with 9 good eggs extracted.  A call from the doctor a few minutes ago confirmed 6 good embryos.  Wow!  I've never had that many before!  One step closer.  The transfer is planned for Friday afternoon. 

Another attempt...

Now that another year has come and gone, we're giving it another try. It was a tough year at work, with 7 growing bellies in front of me every day. I am now in a place where I don't cry every day, and have learned to smile at young faces as they pass through my life, knowing that they bring much joy to those around them.

Albert Einstein defined insanity as, "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". Well, we decided to change things up a bit this time. I'm now driving an hour and a half to see a reproductive endocrinologist, who has me on some more agressive treatment. On stimulation day #5 I had only 10 follicles, 7 on the left and 3 on the right, but they were a good size and hopefully will be mature upon extraction. In the past I had more eggs, but they did not mature appropriately and therefore did not fertilize.

It seems things are going more smoothly this time. Maybe I'm just well-seasoned to IVF, or maybe enough time has passed that I am more relaxed with the process.

Either way, my ovaries are responding to my morning pills and nightly needles. We're doing all we can to prod nature towards the outcome we desire. She does have her own agenda, though, so we'll see how far she will bend for us...