Remembering the Past as I begin a new journey

I sit here remembering the excitement and fear I felt on my first journey through IVF. It was November 2008 and for the first time I felt hope that I would be a mother. I was 36 years old and had never been pregnant. My regular gynecologist had given me the run-around on fertility treatment and mostly wanted me to be patient and wait for it to happen. My husband and I found a local fertility clinic online and we went in for a consultation. "Go straight to IVF" was the new doctor's recommendation, and so we did. I was scared of needles. Daily shots, blood draws, anesthesia, ugh! Not my cup of tea. But we were thinking of our future. The outcome would be a tiny human, half me, half him. That made it all worth it.

We got pregnant on our first try--with twins! Oh, we were so excited. As were our parents, our co-workers, our friends, everyone. Imagine our devastation when my water broke too soon. I did my best to keep them inside me, but once the sac opens it is susceptible to infection. My little ones were born at 24 weeks, on their father's birthday, and only lived a few days.

Today I begin my 4th attempt at IVF, and would like to share with others who have had a common experience. My husband gave me my first shot of Heparin this morning and all the old feelings came back. I broke into a cold sweat, became dizzy and nauseous. I was planning on going to get my blood drawn this morning around 7am, but it is now after 10 and I have still not gone. I'd better go now.